9 months have come and gone...

Damn. I could've gotten prego and had a baby in the time it took me to get back on here and write another blog entry. That didn't happen...but the point is that it could have. Still, a lot has happened in the last 9 months. In my last entry from September 2010, I was very, very worried about moving from Alaska and finding a job. Well, Kevin and I both do have good, full-time jobs now, so we are very grateful for that. I am working as an Associate Merchandise Manager for Print Music at West Music Company in Coralville, and Kev is working at RSC Equipment in Cedar Rapids as a maintenance mechanic. It wasn't easy to get here though. In fact, we just finally moved here to Iowa City about a month ago.

After we moved back from Alaska, we lived with Kevin's parents for 6 long months. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that we have family that love and care for us enough to take us into their own home, but it was rough. It was difficult being a married couple living with your parents/in-laws for that length of time. We were very luck to be there, though, because we moved back to Davenport in October 2010, and I didn't get a full-time job until December. Kevin landed a job right away, but then got laid off very abruptly and had to quickly find something else. I think Kevin has worked at 4 jobs in the past 7 months, just because something better would keep coming along. Finally, I think we are somewhere we might want to be for awhile. Maybe.

I got a little sad while reading my last blog post, because it sounds like I could have written it a week ago instead of 9 months ago. I am still just as confused about what I want to do with my life, and where I want to go, and what I want to see. I am married, but I'm not ready to settle down. As far as a partner goes, yes, because I love my husband very much...but that doesn't mean we have to settle down and just repeat this 9-5 boring, repetitive, unrewarding schedule every day for the rest of our lives. I am only 23 years old. Sometimes, I feel like I'm 40...which is actually very sad. These last several months have taken a toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. We've been through so many ups and downs that it's hard to keep my head straight and focus. I honestly can't make myself do anything anymore besides get up (with 20 minutes to spare), go to work, work straight through for 9 hours without a break, drive home, feed and let the dog outside, eat some pre-packaged dinner, put my pajamas on, and watch TV until it's time to go to bed. Then, I do it all over again. And over again. And over again. I have only lived this way for 6 months, and I can't imagine how so many people have done this for 10, 20, or 30 years. I need something to revitalize me, to make me want to be adventurous and try new things...to want to live life.

I not very long ago had a conversation with my dad. We were talking about him bench-pressing at the gym, and he was doing very well and improving, but he said , "Man, if I could only be 20 again...watch out!" This almost made me choke up after he said it, and it certainly is right now. I am taking my age for granted. I am not doing the things I should be doing while I am young and able. I should be enjoying my life and taking chances, but instead, I sit in an office every day, staring at a computer screen.

I just have to keep telling myself, "I will never again be as young as I am in this moment". Maybe one of these times, I'll listen...